I definitely became aware of how priviledged I am (and was to go to Brazil) when I became closer with students at the university I was teaching at. And, it was a rather uncomfortable realization.
For the most part though, students seemed pleased that York had chosen Rio Grande, and their school in particular, for an internship. It was of course to their benefit that they had a native English speaker to practice with and whom gave a course they could attend--so, in a way, they, too, were priviledged.
But, a question that English students often asked me was how they could do the same thing--go to Canada and teach a class about the Brazilian language and culture. I was at a loss of how to answer. It was difficult to explain that, sorry, the YIIP program is not a reciprocal one. And that, in response to their question ( although it was not directly to me) of why their school didn't coordinate such great programs, it was probably due to lack of funds. And how ironic it is that part of the program is to, presumably, encourage intercultural relationships--but only one side of the relationship benefits?
(I am not criticizing the program, by the way. Obviously there are complex factors in play, however I just want to represent the reactions I got in Brazil)
I gave students links to York's website for international students, and for scholarships, but it only served to disappoint them when they saw how much it cost and what kind of marks they needed. Already, a lot of students have full-time jobs in addition to going to school in order to make money (and not a lot of that). And, not to say that students did not do well at school, but work was a huge distraction for the majority of them.
A lot of students were really suprised to hear that York students have four months of vacation--they would look at me with confusion and scepticism. They had about a month between semesters for vacation. That was another reason why an internship in another country would be difficult--at least while they are in school.
When I found out that I would be teaching students of the third- and fourth-year grades, I felt very self-conscious--I had just finished my second year at York. Thankfully, students were very respectful, but it was odd to be teaching older students--in addition, there were returning students in my class, too, in their 30s-60s. But this was another thing that students asked me about--how I could teach at a university level when I didn't even have a degree yet. I felt uncomfortable thinking about how qualifications can differ--just because I am a native speaker, I was exempt from certain requirements.
Another huge issue I faced, more so with people outside of school, was explaining why I was in Brazil and what I was doing. They would ask me questions about how long it took to get a visa. I would tell them that because I had already bought my ticket, and had a letter from Brazil confirming my intership, that I got it in a week. They would be so upset and express their feelings about how unfair it was that Canadians got treated so well by Brazil but how the reverse was not true. I heard many personal stories about people trying again and again for visas to work, study or visit Canada (for example, to attend their daughter's wedding), but getting denied over and over again. They did not understand this, and I heard crystal clear resentment in their voices.
It is hard to know how to react in these situations--all I could do was listen and appreciate their point of view. At first, I felt guilty about being priviledged, but then I remembered talking about this at the YIIP orientation day. I remembered talking about how we should not only take from our experience, but that we should give. And I feel confident that I did give back--I made friends, I helped students with their English, I taught an informative course... I can only hope that many people benefited from my stay in Rio Grande, too.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Gender
In general, Brazil may be known as a country where "macho" attitudes did exist, or continue to exist. I was under the impression that this macho ideology was especially omnipresent in the Serra Gaucha (southern Brazil) due to the gaucho (cowboy) subculture.
There was also the fact that, honestly, I guess I had my own preconceptions in coming to Brazil. I was expecting a “backwards” society in the sense of a more conservative one, with men and women playing more conservative roles.
However, I was pleasantly surprised during my stay in Rio Grande. I met many older, independent women professors at the federal university who were strong characters, confident and sans men. One was a single mother, one was on her way to Haiti for a year to teach Portuguese and another was on her way to Canada to conduct post-graduate research. These women were women of the world, of modernity, of accomplishment. And, however impressive they were, I got the impression that they didn't quite fit in, in the context of Rio Grande--a very conservative, small town. One professor in particular would comment about she seemed to be out of place in the society. She told me that men often found her intimidating, which was why she was single.
I also met quite a few homosexual men--some more open than others about their sexuality. I guess that I had come with the preconception that homosexuality would be taboo in a small town in southern Brazil, but one man in particular proved me wrong. He was everything but the typical macho, beef-eating cowboy (the South is the largest exporter of beef, and God it is good!). He was openly gay, in his thirties, a vegetarian and an environmentalist. I loved him! I remember this one time that we went out to a buffet restaurant and the waitress told us that the price to eat for a woman was 12 reais and for a man it was 16 reais. He exclaimed, "But I'm gay! And a vegetarian!". It is almost as if it ingrained in their society, in restaurants, that men eat more, especially more meat--a typical macho attitude. The waitress certainly did not know how to respond to my friend, she simply chuckled and went on with her work.
I think that Brazil can be seen as in the midst of a transition towards more liberal attitudes, especially considering gender. I mean, progressive women are just one indicator of changing gender roles. But, at the same time, there are still some negative attitudes, for example towards homosexual men—the word “viado” is a derogatory term for a gay man that is used to insult all men, gay or not.
I did receive some negative sexual attention while I was in Brazil, especially so probably because I looked so different than most people--blue eyes, light hair and fair skin. A lot of older men would wink and try pick-up lines, which of course is gross, but which perhaps is not so foreign to me because I live in the Latin neighbourhood of Toronto.
Speaking of older men and younger women, this is one thing that really shocked me in Brazil--the fact that there were a LOT of mixed-age couples. I constantly saw beautiful, young girls with older, often not the greatest-looking men. And this was an accepted norm. I asked the friends I made in Brazil about it, and nobody really thought there was anything wrong with it. I didn't express my opinion about it because I didn't want to seem patronizing or close-minded, but the truth is that I do not feel comfortable with the idea of generation gaps in relationships. I may not be justified, but I feel that there is something "wrong" with older men dating younger women.
There was also the fact that, honestly, I guess I had my own preconceptions in coming to Brazil. I was expecting a “backwards” society in the sense of a more conservative one, with men and women playing more conservative roles.
However, I was pleasantly surprised during my stay in Rio Grande. I met many older, independent women professors at the federal university who were strong characters, confident and sans men. One was a single mother, one was on her way to Haiti for a year to teach Portuguese and another was on her way to Canada to conduct post-graduate research. These women were women of the world, of modernity, of accomplishment. And, however impressive they were, I got the impression that they didn't quite fit in, in the context of Rio Grande--a very conservative, small town. One professor in particular would comment about she seemed to be out of place in the society. She told me that men often found her intimidating, which was why she was single.
I also met quite a few homosexual men--some more open than others about their sexuality. I guess that I had come with the preconception that homosexuality would be taboo in a small town in southern Brazil, but one man in particular proved me wrong. He was everything but the typical macho, beef-eating cowboy (the South is the largest exporter of beef, and God it is good!). He was openly gay, in his thirties, a vegetarian and an environmentalist. I loved him! I remember this one time that we went out to a buffet restaurant and the waitress told us that the price to eat for a woman was 12 reais and for a man it was 16 reais. He exclaimed, "But I'm gay! And a vegetarian!". It is almost as if it ingrained in their society, in restaurants, that men eat more, especially more meat--a typical macho attitude. The waitress certainly did not know how to respond to my friend, she simply chuckled and went on with her work.
I think that Brazil can be seen as in the midst of a transition towards more liberal attitudes, especially considering gender. I mean, progressive women are just one indicator of changing gender roles. But, at the same time, there are still some negative attitudes, for example towards homosexual men—the word “viado” is a derogatory term for a gay man that is used to insult all men, gay or not.
I did receive some negative sexual attention while I was in Brazil, especially so probably because I looked so different than most people--blue eyes, light hair and fair skin. A lot of older men would wink and try pick-up lines, which of course is gross, but which perhaps is not so foreign to me because I live in the Latin neighbourhood of Toronto.
Speaking of older men and younger women, this is one thing that really shocked me in Brazil--the fact that there were a LOT of mixed-age couples. I constantly saw beautiful, young girls with older, often not the greatest-looking men. And this was an accepted norm. I asked the friends I made in Brazil about it, and nobody really thought there was anything wrong with it. I didn't express my opinion about it because I didn't want to seem patronizing or close-minded, but the truth is that I do not feel comfortable with the idea of generation gaps in relationships. I may not be justified, but I feel that there is something "wrong" with older men dating younger women.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Culture Shock Part 2: Dealing With It
I know this may come to some as a shock, since I am Canadian (so I stereotypically live in an igloo) and since I went to Brazil (mind you, a tropical country), but I suffered culture shock from how darn COLD it was!
I went to the very south of Brazil, to the state of Rio Grande, where the weather differs substantially from the climate that is shown in those lovely Carnaval photos that portray Brazil (i.e. mostly Rio de Janeiro).
I remember, at the end of my internship, that my supervisor recalled an e-mail that I wrote to her, in which I said "Don't worry, I love the winter!", in response to an e-mail she sent warning me about about the cold weather. Like I believed her! I had thought to myself: a Brazilian warning a Canadian about cold weather? Psh! My supervisor told me that the same thing--Canadians coming unprepared for the cold, and sceptical, too--happened every year that a new intern came. She had a good laugh about it--I had a good cry.
I have realized that perhaps I don't "love winter" so much as "I love winter... in the warmth of my home". The thing is that buildings in Rio Grande were not equipped with heating systems. That meant that neither my home nor the school where I worked (or the bus which I took to get to school) was heated. And, you'd think that lack of heating wouldn't be SO bad, especially since it only got as cold as 5-10 degrees celsius. Except that, the town where I stayed was by the ocean, so the air was constantly humid--i.e. the cold would chill your bones. There was also a lot of rain on a daily basis. And, without sidewalks that we are used to in Canada, that meant travelling by shoe-sucking muddy streets. So, during the day I would get soaked, come home and leave my clothes out to dry--except that, in the damp air of my home, they never dried. Even my bedsheets, after drying them at a laundromat's, would be damp to the touch hours later just from being inside my apartment. At school, I would have to type on the computer with gloves, a scarf and a big jacket. I ended up spending quite a bit of money buying lots of big knitted sweaters to layer. It is true that there were plug-in heaters available, but they were expensive (for ony three months of use) and only kept you warm if you sat right beside it, with your hands hovering over it--not very practical for multi-functioning.
I know that I am being a big complainer and I hope I don't come off as snobbish. It's just that I have really never experienced cold weather that way before--in a way that it was impossible to ever get warm for more than a couple of hours at a time. And the only thing I have to compare it with is how we deal with cold weather in Canada.
And, like Larissa said, "The little things that you found charming about the culture...suddenly piss you off to no end". I mean, at first I thought, "This is so great..people drinking chimarrao to keep warm, people bundled up with beatiful hand-knitted scarfs, hats and sweaters. I won't be sweating in the heat and I don't have to worry about putting on a bikini".
I was indeed affected by culture shock. I became touchy, I ate more, exercised less and had more bad days in a row.
One day, I nearly broke down from frustration. My shower decided to spew freezing cold water and nothing but, all the lightbulbs in my apartment simultaneously burned out, and the gas tank for the stove revealed itself empty. I got so frustrated and, even though these things happen in Canada, I found myself attributing blame and negative thoughts to the town I was living in, and Brazil in general.
In the beggining, I thought the idea of living in a small town charming--after all, I grew up in a small town and I was looking forward to getting away from big bad cities. At first, it was so "cute" that the biggest attraction in the town was a 2-theatre cinema. Then, boredom set in and I found myself resenting the town.
School, too, became a source of frustration. There was always something that wouldn't work--the internet, the printer or even the computer itself sometimes. Photocopying materials for class was a bureaucratic operation that I won't get into details about--it's too painful. I would think to myself, "God these people don't know what they are doing".
Through this part of my internship (mostly during the middle), among my negative thoughts were feelings of guilt. I hated myself for looking down on the town and society, in the stereotypical Western-like portrayal of the arrogant white man (or, lady). I felt guilty about thinking in such an immature, unjustified way. But maybe other interns have experienced the same thing--you know it's not right, but you make excuses and let yourself complain, rant and bitch.
One way I dealt with my feelings was to chat with other Canadian interns at the school--to see if they were experiencing some of the same feelings, and what they did to overcome it. It just feels good to know that somebody else knows how you are feeling. My supervisor was also an important source of perspective for me. She had studied in Canada before, and she could relate to the culture shock that I was experiencing. I also forced myself to be social, to go out to dinner and go to the 2-theatre cinema--anything that would take my mind off my frustrations.
I went to the very south of Brazil, to the state of Rio Grande, where the weather differs substantially from the climate that is shown in those lovely Carnaval photos that portray Brazil (i.e. mostly Rio de Janeiro).
I remember, at the end of my internship, that my supervisor recalled an e-mail that I wrote to her, in which I said "Don't worry, I love the winter!", in response to an e-mail she sent warning me about about the cold weather. Like I believed her! I had thought to myself: a Brazilian warning a Canadian about cold weather? Psh! My supervisor told me that the same thing--Canadians coming unprepared for the cold, and sceptical, too--happened every year that a new intern came. She had a good laugh about it--I had a good cry.
I have realized that perhaps I don't "love winter" so much as "I love winter... in the warmth of my home". The thing is that buildings in Rio Grande were not equipped with heating systems. That meant that neither my home nor the school where I worked (or the bus which I took to get to school) was heated. And, you'd think that lack of heating wouldn't be SO bad, especially since it only got as cold as 5-10 degrees celsius. Except that, the town where I stayed was by the ocean, so the air was constantly humid--i.e. the cold would chill your bones. There was also a lot of rain on a daily basis. And, without sidewalks that we are used to in Canada, that meant travelling by shoe-sucking muddy streets. So, during the day I would get soaked, come home and leave my clothes out to dry--except that, in the damp air of my home, they never dried. Even my bedsheets, after drying them at a laundromat's, would be damp to the touch hours later just from being inside my apartment. At school, I would have to type on the computer with gloves, a scarf and a big jacket. I ended up spending quite a bit of money buying lots of big knitted sweaters to layer. It is true that there were plug-in heaters available, but they were expensive (for ony three months of use) and only kept you warm if you sat right beside it, with your hands hovering over it--not very practical for multi-functioning.
I know that I am being a big complainer and I hope I don't come off as snobbish. It's just that I have really never experienced cold weather that way before--in a way that it was impossible to ever get warm for more than a couple of hours at a time. And the only thing I have to compare it with is how we deal with cold weather in Canada.
And, like Larissa said, "The little things that you found charming about the culture...suddenly piss you off to no end". I mean, at first I thought, "This is so great..people drinking chimarrao to keep warm, people bundled up with beatiful hand-knitted scarfs, hats and sweaters. I won't be sweating in the heat and I don't have to worry about putting on a bikini".
I was indeed affected by culture shock. I became touchy, I ate more, exercised less and had more bad days in a row.
One day, I nearly broke down from frustration. My shower decided to spew freezing cold water and nothing but, all the lightbulbs in my apartment simultaneously burned out, and the gas tank for the stove revealed itself empty. I got so frustrated and, even though these things happen in Canada, I found myself attributing blame and negative thoughts to the town I was living in, and Brazil in general.
In the beggining, I thought the idea of living in a small town charming--after all, I grew up in a small town and I was looking forward to getting away from big bad cities. At first, it was so "cute" that the biggest attraction in the town was a 2-theatre cinema. Then, boredom set in and I found myself resenting the town.
School, too, became a source of frustration. There was always something that wouldn't work--the internet, the printer or even the computer itself sometimes. Photocopying materials for class was a bureaucratic operation that I won't get into details about--it's too painful. I would think to myself, "God these people don't know what they are doing".
Through this part of my internship (mostly during the middle), among my negative thoughts were feelings of guilt. I hated myself for looking down on the town and society, in the stereotypical Western-like portrayal of the arrogant white man (or, lady). I felt guilty about thinking in such an immature, unjustified way. But maybe other interns have experienced the same thing--you know it's not right, but you make excuses and let yourself complain, rant and bitch.
One way I dealt with my feelings was to chat with other Canadian interns at the school--to see if they were experiencing some of the same feelings, and what they did to overcome it. It just feels good to know that somebody else knows how you are feeling. My supervisor was also an important source of perspective for me. She had studied in Canada before, and she could relate to the culture shock that I was experiencing. I also forced myself to be social, to go out to dinner and go to the 2-theatre cinema--anything that would take my mind off my frustrations.
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